The Lorem Ipsum Christmas EP, Part 3 - "The 12 Tyrannosaurs of Christmas"

This is a look at the conception, writing, and paleontology of my traditional / original hybrid "The 12 Tyrannosaurs of Christmas," written for my Lorem Ipsum Christmas EP, which released on November 29, 2025.

Album links:  Spotify | Apple Music | Amazon Music

For a discussion of my Christmas EP in general, click here and for a look at the writing of my original song "Maybe Next Year (Christmas 1914)" click here.

Conception and Exceedingly Important Paleontological Background

At the end of last year I learned from one of Clint's Reptiles's fantastic videos that there were 13 genera of Tyrannosaurs*, the dinosaur clade that includes T. rex.

(*As of now there's 13.  There's some different organizing schemes that have slightly different numbers.  Also technically, it's the 12 "tyrannosaurids" of Christmas.  "Tyrannosaurs" is a much larger group of more distant relatives, but probably any tyrannosaur you can think of is a tyrannosaurid.)

Dinosaurs are usually commonly known by their genera. ("Genera" is the plural of "genus.") For example, "Stegosaurus" is actually a genus with (currently) 3 different species (stenops, ungulatus and sulcatus).  Ditto for Triceratops, which is a genus name with 2 different species (horridus, and prorsus.)  Most people would not be able to tell the sub-species apart.

Tyrannosaurus rex is actually the exception, because "Tyrannosaurus" is the genus and "rex" is the species, and everybody knows both.  (Also, the correct abbreviation is T. rex, not T-rex or T.Rex)

I had already been kicking around the idea of writing a dinosaur related song for my son, so once I decided to do a Christmas EP, doing a modified version of "The 12 Days of Christmas" using the tyrannosaurs felt like a no brainer, even though it meant I had to leave one genus out.

(Sorry Gorgosaurus.  You're really closely related to Albertosaurus, and though you have the far better name, my son REALLY likes Albertosaurus.  Almost all the tyrannosaurs have awesome names, and if it were totally up to me, I would  pick "Dreadful Lizard" over "Alberta Lizard" every time.)

I also wanted to include Mary Anning (1799-1847), a famous English fossil hunter from the early 19th Century who was not given her due by her male contemporaries.   Alas, Anning never found nor had even heard of a tyrannosaur as the first tyrannosaur wasn't found and described until about 50 years after her death, and the rocks she explored were Jurassic era marine deposits.  She discovered the first Ichthyosaur (at age 12!), the first complete plesiosaur, and the pterosaur Dimorphodon.

Also I thought it would be cute to include a cycad rather than a pear tree, as cycads are the most iconic Mesozoic plant and pear trees probably weren't a thing until after dinosaurs went extinct,

So day one ended up as:On the first day of Christmas, Mary Anning said she had

An alioramus in a cycad.

Lyrics

In addition to being by far my favorite group of dinosaurs, tyrannosaurids have the advantage for the lyricist that they have a lot of variation in their name endings.  This gives a lot more flexibility in where I can put them in the song; it isn't just a string of 12 dinosaurs that all end in "saurus."   The 12 I used were (in descending order):

T. rex (Tyrant Lizard King)

Tarbosaurus (Alarming Lizard)

Zuchengtyrannus (Zucheng Tyrant)

Albertosaurus (Alberta Lizard)

Thanatotheristes (Death Harvester)

Daspletosaurus (Frightful Lizard

Teratophoneus (Monstrous Murderer)

Lythronax (Gore King)

Nanuqsaurus (Polar Bear Lizard)

Dynamoterror (Powerful Terror)

Qianzhousaurus (Qianzhou Lizard)

Alioramus (Different Branch)

A lot of syllables there.  I was concerned.

Lyrically, there were two things I was trying to do:  1) Not have two "-saurus" ending names in a row and 2) Try to go in vaguely ascending size as the song progresses.  Hence  Alioramus, probably the smallest tyrannosaurid, is at day 1 and T. rex, the largest terrestrial predator yet discovered is at day 12.

(Aside: Jurassic World Dominion is wrong.  Size estimates for T. rex have been adjusted up fairly recently and the two largest theropods ever discovered, Goliath and Cope, were both T. rexes.  Even with quite conservative estimates of Goliath's mass, it easily clears 12 tons.  Which is just mind bogglingly big.  Cope is smaller, but still gigantic.  And the current third place as of the time of this writing is a Meraxes, a carcharodontid theropod related to Giganotosaurus whose mass has been estimated from just a jaw fragment, which is not a great way to confidently estimate mass.  Don't get me wrong, carcharodontids like Meraxes, Giganotosaurus, and Carcharodontosaurus were awesome, really big, and overlapped in size with T. rex but at the moment T. rex is bigger.)

Keeping the "-saurus" ending names separated was non-negotioable for flow reasons so I couldn't always keep the size scaling consistent.  Thanatotheristes, Lythronax, and Teratophoneus were smaller than their place in the song would suggest, and Dynamoterror was bigger.   This is complicated by the fact that for the above named, and also Nanuqsaurus, size estimates are a little varied since we haven't found too much of any of them.   (By comparison there are around 30 complete-ish adult T. rexes and a lot more fragmentary ones, making it one of the better attested dinosaurs in the fossil record.)

Arrangement

Since this is a cumulative song I tried to either add an element or escalate an existing element on each day, by adding an instrument or playing more complex rhythms.  So the bass doesn't come in until day 2 and starts out playing single notes, then in later days starts to do a walking figure during the countdowns, the guitar starts out with whole notes on day 3 then strums more complicated as the song progresses, etc etc.  I also envisioned a lot of drum layers, from hand percussion to a full kit, which would really help escalate and add to the insanity.  There was only one person I had in mind for this task: Beemo's own Justin Braun.

I started with the melody first, putting it into my notation software in a key that was easy to sing and then started building the song.  In doing this I found out that the song switches time signature a LOT.  Most of the countdown parts, e.g. "Four nanuqsaurus, three dynamoterros" are in 3/4 while the test is in 4/4.  This caught me off guard and added a complication to the ProTools session setup.

I wanted the mandola to be the main instrument because I really like playing it and it has a different, darker sound than the mandolin.  I thought it would be a good and unexpected (compared to a guitar) instrument to build the song around.  I ended up adding two mandolins, mandocello, microbass, and guitar.   (The microbass is a ukulele style instrument made by GoldTone in Titusville, FL that has big rubbery strings that somehow make it sound a lot like an upright bass.)

I knew the drums would be doing a lot of stuff and the vocals were going to be lunacy so I kept the arrangement relatively simple so as not to distract or overwhelm the listener.  I also decided to progressively speed the song up, both to build momentum and to make it easier to sing.  Once the countdown starts, until you hit 5 there's no place to take a breath.   Day 10 was actually the hardest to get out in one breath; the last tempo uptick helped the last two days.

Performance

I did the instruments first and didn't have any issues.  As I said, I wasn't ambitious.

The vocals here were a big challenge, though.  The song isn't hard to sing melodically (although I was a little congested), but the long dinosaur names, the speed and resultant diction challenges, and the breath control required to get this all out was juuuuuust achievable at my level of singing skill.  I am not a trained singer, so while I have good pitch and my timbre is pleasant enough, I have little experience singing things that require fast diction or tight breath control.  Or long dinosaur names.  So, recipe for disaster.

I practiced a LOT, trying to learn how to apportion my breath among the syllables and just to keep the order straight in my head.   Mike had sent me some really good vocal exercises that I was doing every day for almost a month trying to increase my facility.  I barely made it.

My first take was actually ok, though I switched two of the names in the later verses and I absolutely train wrecked day 10 and 11 when I over-sang the first the first three names and completely ran out of breath before I made it to "five Lythronax" where I could snatch another.

Mike chuckled after my first take and said "I'm going to look to you to tell me if you need to do anything again.  I don't have any idea what you are saying."  Honestly it didn't take me as long as I was worried it would.  I had to re-do a few of the days but it was almost entirely for breath control issues; my pitch and delivery was good.

After I did the vocals Justin laid down about 8 percussion tracks in like 2 hours.  He was the Teratophoneus of percussion and just killed the parts.  With only a very small bit of direction from me, he did exactly what I hoped he would.  He has incredible instincts and we've always been very much on the same page in the studio, which is why I really wanted to use him.  He rules.

I also had my wife record my five year old son saying "Good job, Daddy!" which we had Brooks, the mixing engineer, put at the end.  My son was delighted to hear his voice on a song.

Gallimaufry on the Tyrannosaurids

• All tyrannosaurids lived in the late Cretaceous period (100 - 66 million years ago) and only in the northern hemisphere.  Tyrannosaurus rex was one of the last dinosaurs, dying out in the mass extinction that killed non-avian dinosaurs.  (Birds are dinosaurs; fight me.)  Tyrannosaurs started showing up in the Jurassic and were relatively small; they didn't become the giant tyrannosaurids until the Late Cretaceious, possibly because by that point the other huge theropods like the Allosauroids and Carcharodontosaurs had gone extinct, leaving the "giant predator" niche open.

• I've used the term "theropods" but didn't actually say what they are.  Basically any two legged, carnivorous dinosaur is a theropod.  Velociraptor?  Theropod.  Tyrannosaurus?  Theropod.  Spinosaurus? Theropod.  Pachycephalosaurus?  Ornithischian.  (Tricked you.)

• Tyrannosaurs were adapted for crazy strong bite forces and had bone crushing teeth rather than flesh slicing teeth.  T. rex teeth have been described as 'lethal bananas."  Tyrannosaurs have unique features that strengthen their skulls and dissipate the intense bite forces.

• Tyrannosaurus rex, the Tyrant Lizard King.  They knocked it out of the fucking park with this name.  I'm really glad they were right and they didn't give this name to, like, Megalosaurus which was one of the first dinosaurs described and, while big by modern reptile standards, is not big compared to megatheropods.  T. rex lived 68-66 million years ago in Western North America and had the largest geographical range of any tyrannosaurid.  This animal had possibly the strongest bite force of any terrestrial animal.  Car crushers flatten cars with 2 tons of pressure and T. rex likely could apply at least 4 times this force.  T. rex is my favorite animal ever.

• Tarbosaurus, the Alarming Lizard.  This one lived in Asia about 70 million years ago, a little before T. rex, and is thought to have been a desert dwelling predator.  It's in second place in the tyrannosaurid size chart, but has the shortest arms relative to body size of any tyrannosaurid.  Also, I think the name is really funny.  "Alarming" is a hell of an understatement for a 30+ foot, 6 ton theropod.

• Zhuchengtyrannus, the Zhucheng Tyrant.  This is also from Asia from about 73 million years ago.  I generally hate place name dinosaurs, but at least this one is the Zhucheng Tyrant rather than Lizard.   They've only found parts of the skull but it looks to be rather similar in size and appearance to Tarbosaurus.

• Albertosaurus, the Alberta Lizard.  Albertosaurus lived in, shock, Alberta, Canada, around 71 million years ago.  This name absolutely sucks, easily the worst tyrannosaurid name.  Albertosaurus and the closely related Gorgosaurus were more lightly built than other tyrannosaurids and were probably considerably faster than their tank cousins.

• Thanatotheristes, the Death Harvester.  Probably the most badass name of any dinosaur.  It was found in Alberta from rocks about 80 million years old.  It's thought to be closely related to Daspletosaurus, though smaller.  The specimens found weren't fully grown so the actual adult size is a little unclear.

• Daspletosaurus, the Frightful Lizard.  This was a monster that lived about 76 million years ago and shared environments with the way more lightly built Gorgosaurus.  It's been found in Montana and Alberta.  The thought is they avoided competitions with each other by specializing in different prey, called niche differentiation.  Daspletosaurus was a tank, Gorgosaurus was a sports car.  Daspletosaurus had the longest arms relative to body length of any tyrannosaurid. (Still small)

• Terratophoneus, the Monstrous Murderer.  Another good name, and pretty intimidating for a not huge dinosaur.  (Would still absolutely fuck up a person, though.)  They lived in Utah about 76 million years ago. Like Albertosaurus and Daspletosaurus, some were found in congregations with others of the same species, meaning they may have hung out in groups.  Gulp.

• Lythronax, the Gore King.  Seriously, people naming tyrannosaurs are crushing it.  It's known from one specimen found in Utah and from about 81 million years ago.     

• Nanuqsaurus, the Polar Bear Lizard.  This was discovered in Alaska, which while not as cold as it is today, still got pretty cold in the winter, far colder than any extant reptile could live in.  It's name is from the Iñupiaq word for polar bear.  My Nanuq is probably too small; it's closer to the initial size estimates from fragmentary fossils that were likely underestimates.  After more discoveries its size was upped to be about the same as Albertosaurus.  This makes some sense as Bergmann's rule states that in general cold climate variants in the same family tend to be bigger, not smaller, than warmer climate cousins.  (Mostly for warm blooded animals, but there's some evidence for cold blooded ones, too.)

• Dynamoterror, the Powerful Terror.  This one was found in New Mexico in rocks deposited about 80 million years ago.  It's known from pretty fragmentary remains, though apparently a more complete one was identified in 2021 but hasn't been described yet.

• Qianzhousaurus, the Qianzhou Lizard.  This was found in southern China from the very end of the Cretaceous.  It was really lightly built and had a long slender snout, in contrast to the other tyrannosaurids (except Alioramus.) Another underwhelming moniker.

• Alioramus, the Different Branch.  This one was found in Mongolia in rocks about 70 million years old and was possibly the smallest tyrannosaurid, though it's a little hard to say because the specimens found were not fully grown.  What's with this incredibly not ambitious nonsense of a name? It was called this because it's rather different than the other tyrannosaurids; it's closely related to the Qianzhousaurus.

• Gorgosaurus, the Dreadful Lizard.  Found in Western North America around 76 million years ago, it's maybe the best attested tyrannosaur in the fossil record.  In some parts of its range it lived alongside Daspletosaurus.   Sad I didn't get to use this one.  Thinking about it now, I should have just made the song the 13 Tyrannosaurs of Christmas.  Nuts.

Conclusion

I sent the finished song to Amanda and her response text was simply: "This is....unhinged. (She meant it as a compliment. I think.)

Exactly what I was going for.  Lol

Check It out, it's available on all digital platforms.

Links:     Spotify | Apple Music | Amazon | YouTube

-m